Monday, April 28, 2014

…and then there were tears


Well, I dropped Walker off for his first day of day care this morning. And I'm sitting at my desk crying like - no pun intended - a baby. I think that was, quite possibly, the hardest thing I've ever had to do. 


I spent all day yesterday getting things packed; breast milk defrosted and into bottles; and clothes laid out for the next day. I was overwhelmed, but I thought, "Man, I'm getting this! Kicking some butt and taking some names." 

And then I rocked him to sleep. I didn't want to put him down, and I just kept letting my tears fall on top of his sweet little head. As stupid as it sounds - and trust me, I know it sounds stupid - I kept singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to him and bawling when I whispered, "…watch you smile while you are sleeping/while you're far away dreaming…" 


This morning came, and I just stared at him while we were nursing, drinking in every single thing of his precious little profile. And then it was time to go. I cried the entire way to the drop off {thank the LORD that Brandon went with me this morning} and cried as we dropped him off. Brandon had to almost pry him out of my hands. 


I got a sweet text message from my Dad, and of course it made me cry I was so sweet, but he told me about the first time he dropped me off at day care and how vulnerable and sad he was. It's tough to see your Dad like that, and it just made me feel human.

So, all of that to say, I'm a little down today. I'm not an emotional wreck, but I'm sad. Someone wrote to me on Facebook and said, "Quality time is better than quantity of time." And that helped a lot. 

It will get better, slowly but surely. But until then, I'm learning it's okay to be sad. Mamas, just enjoy your babies. It goes by way faster than you can even imagine. 

3 comments:

  1. Aww, I'm sorry you had a tough day. It will get better!

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  2. Huge hug, mama! It will definitely, definitely get easier. Hang in there and give that little sweetie pie lots of extra squeezes <3

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  3. My little one just turned one so I remember this clearly! I came home from work every day that first week and cried because I was so sad at having to miss out on anything. I really thought that I couldn't do it, and the only solution would be to quit my job and never let my baby out of my sight again (only kind of kidding!).
    I wish people had told me how horrible it would be because I was not expecting to be that much of a wreck. But, I will say that it really, truly gets better every week! It took a couple months for the guilt to (mostly) go away, but now neither of us blinks an eye at drop off! Our little one loves her friends at daycare and actually waves at me "goodbye" if I linger too long dropping her off.
    All the working mama's know just how you are feeling....you aren't alone, and it will get better before you know it! And you are spot on about the quality time. Evenings and weekends are so much more meaningful. Although good luck getting any house work done ;-)

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