Monday, July 18, 2011

greener grass.

{Let me preface this post with saying that I do not agree with 99.9 percent of what Alexis Bellino and her husband Jim do, think or say. And, I disabled comments on this post because I know what a hot topic divorce is. This is my blog, my opinion.} 

Now that we've got that out of the way...

We talked about divorce yesterday in Sunday School.

As a child of divorce, I appreciated the lesson and really listened intently to what our teacher had to say to us newlyweds, who, frankly are still so obsessed with each other and the idea of divorce hasn't crossed our minds. And, frankly, when he began talking about it, it hit me like a whip:
"Wait, wait. We're supposed to be learning how to be married. Not why divorce is bad."

When Brandon and I first started dating, I was embarrassed to tell him that my parents were divorced, because his weren't. They've been married for 30+ years. I understand that my situation is totally not normal but I was embarrassed nonetheless. When we began seriously talking about marriage, we made a pact...a pact that I had also made to myself at a very young age:


Some of you say, "You say whaaaa? What about infidelity? What about abuse?"

To quote Caroline Manzo: "Let me tell yous a little somethin' about my" marriage: that ain't happenin'. Why, you ask? Because our marriage is rooted in the Lord first and foremost and divorce isn't an option because we love each other and love the Lord enough that divorce and cheating aren't an option...and therefore divorce is NOT.
When they quote Matthew 19:6 at weddings, it is true when it says: "So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man put asunder." What does that mean? No man {or woman} is to split up what the Lord has joined together. Pretty deep stuff, huh?

Am I saying that those who divorce are bad people? Absolutely not. My Dad divorced my mother. Sometimes it is a necessary thing after you've exhausted all options. Does it break my heart nonetheless? Absolutely. More than anything, it breaks my heart for the children, because they are the ones that deal with it -- the parents are done with it.

{God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16)}

What kills me the most are those couples that say they "just fell out of love with one another," or those celebrities that you hear of that have "irreconcileable differences." It's just my personal opinion, but if you "fall out of love with someone," you really weren't in love with them in the first place. AND, marriage is such a precious, precious thing. It's not something like the garbage that you can just take out when you're done with it, when it smells bad and isn't fun to deal with.

I've only been married for nine months, but I can tell you that marriage is not easy. Problems happen. Problems that, when you're nine and walking down your staircase with a towel on your head as a makeshift veil, you don't think about: money, in-laws, work, money, buying a home, friends, money. You get the picture.

And so, getting back on track to the Bellino's here, all I could think about during the lesson yesterday was Alexis talking about marriage on The Real Housewives of Orange County:
"If the grass is greener on the other side, maybe you need to water your own grass." 
When I saw that on TV, I wanted to yell out: "Amen, sister! Preach it!"
How true is it, though?
Two statistics for you: 1/3 of people who get a divorce regret it five years later. The divorce rate for second marriages is 50-60 percent. Pretty sad, huh?
Please don't take this post as sounding preachy. Brandon and I have had, currently have and in the future will have problems, fights and disagreements. Every couple does. It's normal. But don't give up on your marriage. It's so precious and such a wonderful's a gift from the Lord: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." -Proverbs 18:22
So, that said, do I judge you if you've gotten a divorce? Nope. Do I judge you if you're thinking about getting a divorce? Nope. Do I judge you if your parents/friends/sister/brother have gotten or are getting a divorce? Again, nope. Not my place.
But will I judge you if you don't water your own grass. Yes. Water away, people. It's worth it.