Monday, February 28, 2011

of course this post is about the oscars.

"The Oscars to women are like the Masters (or Super Bowl) to men."

First, let me apologize for my total lack of order here this morning. I'm confident that my work computer hates me. Okay, let's begin.

Helena Bonham Carter
No honey, just no. While this is a step up from your Golden Globes disaster, I'm still just not a fan of the velvet (and that fan). While I totally loved you in The King's Speech, I don't think we'd be friends in real life. (And, your partner, Tim Burton? He creeps me out.)

(as Ryan Seacrest calls you): you look drop-dead gorgeous. Jesse James who?

Mandy Moore.
I'm a really big fan of the top of your dress, but the bottom confuses me a little.
I did, however, like your Tangled song. Are you still married to Ryan Adams?

Amy Adams
Girlfriend, you can do no wrong in my eyes. And, you just had a baby! You look awesome! I love, love, love the jewel-tone and the sparkles.

Halle Berry
As my husband said when he saw your tribute to Lena Horne: "Day-um." Agreed. Love the sparkles, love the bottom of the dress (surprisingly) and seriously, who else but Halle can pull off that cropped 'do?

Gwyneth Paltrow
Honey, I hated your Country Strong song. I'm sorry.
But, you get my vote for best dressed of the night! Love the neckline, love the color, love the little belt, L-O-V-E your hair and just love how weird and GOOP-y you are.

Hilary Swank
My verdict is still out on you. Again, love the top of the dress (what the heck is up with me loving just the tops of dresses?) but I'm not a fan of the bottom of your dress that looks like you were dragged through some ink.

I'm putting Melissa Leo and James Franco in the same category this morning. What is that category? So glad you asked:

Here's my reasoning:

Numero Uno: Melissa Leo's dress looks like she stole her grandmother's lace tablecloth from 1926 and asked a designer to make it "hip." The designer, in turn, added a high-neck collar and a funky front split.

Numero Dos: Melissa, your "f bomb" was so not an accident. Don't act surprised that you won when you took out ads that say, "Consider." I don't like you.

Numero Tres: James Franco, this is not Pineapple Express. It is not okay to act high at the Oscars.

Numero Cuatro: James Franco was just awkward. Did anyone notice his constant squinting and total lack of actually looking at the camera? He was also pulling a major "Barack" and totally reading off the teleprompter...noticeably.
Note to the Academy: don't have James back next year. Just no.

And now on to better news:

And Colin Firth, I love you. I've loved you since Love Actually. You are adorable.

Thoughts on last night?


  1. I said that M. Leo's dress looked like a huge doily sewn on top of a tacky christmas present...i think we were thinking similar things.

  2. Agreed about James. He was totally high!!


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